I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
