The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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