I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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