I accidentally burped into my bong.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
