Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I could fuck to npr.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
