Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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