I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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