i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize
