Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
