I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Of course I have a pirate flag
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
