phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
