how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She's the barista slut.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
