Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
