Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
