This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
