i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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