we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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