A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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