Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
