I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
