I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
