so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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