OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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