Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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