did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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