i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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