i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
