I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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