Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My vagina is officially offended.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
