I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
