great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
