My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
