Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
tell your sister to shave her snatch
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
