all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
