I just pynch a tree in the face
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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