i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So many bounce houses so little time
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
