Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
