East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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