you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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