also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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