Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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