she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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