Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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