so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
