Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
sarcasm needs its own font
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
