I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
