That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
