i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
