I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
you never un-have a 4some
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
