I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
