Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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