just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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