Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
