Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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