Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
