i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
