is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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