in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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