My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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