No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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