This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
