She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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