I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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