I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
