I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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