The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
