Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
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I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
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I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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